he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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