Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
