My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
