dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
