shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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