just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
