Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
