some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize