you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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