I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
