I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
