the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
