woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bring me that man meat
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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