On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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