my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
where are you?
Hypothermia
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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