I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
