of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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