Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
