She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
