Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
