I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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