I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
