yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
