so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
