Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
