I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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