he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
