he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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