the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
