Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize