What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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