I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my being single is dangerous.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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