I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
