PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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