Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.