i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I skipped work to stalk him.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.