On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level