when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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