I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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