Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
