then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize