Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
