The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
