Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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