You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
