Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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