I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
