i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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