Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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