So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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