can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
