Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
