i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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