sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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