as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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