Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
