dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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