Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
