You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
